JUST AS I’M THINKING “Hmmm maybe humans aren’t so bad after all” ONE MORE FUCKTARD COMES OUT OF THE WOODWORK

JMM does  Grafiato for  a living. [no it’s not some bizzaro kind of sex act] Grafiato is that colored,textured plaster stuff you see on houses.

He is very good at his job. He’s kind of like a “Texture God” round these parts.

His co-workers call him “Josephine the texture queen.” [Josephine is not his name]

Today I needed to go get some  vodka codiene stuff from the shops,so I put Bubs in the car, press the button to open the roller door ,watch out not to run over the dog, when BAM!!! and I’m thinking O.M.G! what the fuck was that!!! and I slam on the brakes,turn off the car, jump out to see…..

A stack of DULUX buckets of texture, that I had reversed into.

Thats right readers. Some fucktard delivery driver thought a good place to stack 15 buckets of texture was up against my roller door and half the width of my driveway.

They could not be seen from my back window.

Six of them had burst open.All OVER my fucking driveway.It was in the 30s here today. That shit dries like a MOFO.

So I do what I normally do in an emergency.I skitz  the  fuck out [the profanity was fucking HORRIFIC!!] and I’m yelling at the dog to get inside cos I dont want her to run through it and I’m getting the kid out of the car and chuck him inside and I’ve gotta load the TV with something thats going to amuse him for the 6 hours its gonna take me to clean the mess and then I think oh fuck I cant leave the dog inside cos the both of them together will destroy my house so I’m trying to pull,push the fat lard arse out the side door so I can lock her up and the whole time I’m thinking about the mound  of  CRAP that  is drying all over my driveway.

I find a shovel,get as much as I can up and squirt as much as I can off.It looks a fucking mess.

Oh, and somewhere amongst all that I found time to ring JMM and verbally viscerate him,even though it was not his fault and, in fact, had nothing to do with him really.

I’m not allowed to do any lifting.I am expecting some excrutiating pain tomorrow,on account of lifting 15 buckets. Each one weighs 23kg. I’m far to bloody lazy to be doing that crap.

That delivery driver needs a brain boot. Stupid MOFO.

I had another ultrasound 3 weeks ago.

So far I have been informed I have an Incarcerated Hernia, an Inclusion Cyst, a Spegelian Hernia, and most recently,a tumour. Yes,thats right…………

The FUCKTARD  Dr that performed my ultrasound informed me that ” You have a TUMOUR, it should be fine although I’m sure your specialist will want to biopsy that and you’ll probably need an MRI. OK then?”

And left the room.

 For 3 weeks I’ve been trying to tell myself I’m fine but it’s a little hard to get the words TUMOUR and BIOPSY out of  my  head. Then of course every time I looked at my kids I nearly fell to pieces. 3 weeks of  freaking out.

Ultrasound Dr Reject dude you are a MORON cos I’m pretty sure you’re NOT supposed to say shit like that to patients. FAIL. Arsehole.

So I finally saw  the specialist today and he agreed with my GP who ROCKS that it is in fact a Spegelian Hernia. Specialist was most impressed with my GP who ROCKS!. He couldn’t believe a simple GP could pick up something so obscure. These Hernias are rare. I AM SPECIAL.  🙂

So in a few weeks I’m getting all fixed up and thats it!!!! AWESOME!!

Ultrasound Dr reject dude did I forget to mention that YOU SUCK .

And  after my operation I cant do anything for 2 weeks!!!

This sounds like fun but trust me,its not. I’m a total control freak and I cant stand it when the house gets messy. And everything has to be done MY WAY GODDAMMIT COS MY WAY ROCKS AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS CESPOOL YOU ARE ALL CALLING A HOUSE DONT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING CLEAN and its driving me freaking NUTS already!!!!

Do you think I’ll get any kick arse painkillers to bring home? Probably not.

Bummer.

~ by shelly1971 on April 8, 2009.