We want to get Bubs into Kindy next year.

We are only just now starting the search on account of us being, well, idiots and leaving it way to late.

My first choice was Montessori.

Oh Montessori..how I love you. I adored walking through the classrooms on open day.

Watching all the kiddies doing their own thing.

They were wearing slippers. Slippers in class! How freakin cute is that.

Some kiddies were washing dishes in the kiddie size kitchen.

Some were colouring.

Some were still eating lunch at 2.00 in the afternoon.

We were shown around by a Hippie throwback whom I just adored.

When I told her I had been informed that my Bubs was “defiant” on account of him telling his daycare teacher he didn’t want to put his shoes on, well I could tell Hippie wanted that bitch burnt at the stake.

Then we had THE INTERVIEW.

I dont do well at interviews.

I’ve never needed to do an interview. Not even for work. I’ve pretty much always worked for family.

The interview lady scared me. I think she was wearing a Doona. I didn’t know what to say.

JMM had freshly shaven his head that morning and looked a little like a fucking  White Supremist.

She asked us alot of questions about our home life.

Apparently if it differs to much with the schools way it is to confusing to the child.

She asked how we disipline in our house.

Unfortunately I let JMM answer. He said,

“Well, to start we take something away from him and if that doesn’t work we put him in his room and if that still doesn’t work we smack him”

By the look of horror on the womans face I dont think she was at all approving.

I am actually kinda waiting for DOCS to rock up at my door.

Then she asked me what kinds of things we did together at home.

I went into moron mode and dribbled some crap about watching Little Einstiens and Number Jacks and loving Volcanos. Yep.

Not ..we go for bushwalks and look at wildflowers, and bake together every week. We collect bugs in the backyard and do alot of crafts and painting. We go to feed the parrots and pidgeons at the park and go to The Aquarium of WA. We read storys.

God. Can I be any more of an idiot.

Doona woman must think that when our child is not glued to the TV he is smacked, locked in his bedroom and treated like a mushroom.

I think we totally blew it.

Anyway, the school doesn’t have any places for next year. My heart was broken.

Montessori, I love you.

Just as well anyway, I suppose.

All the other Mothers there were anally retentive arseholes.

Next school on our hit list is just down the road from us.

ST Stephens private school.

This school gives preferance to its applicants. In this order.

1 – If you are a Christian and attend church at least 3 times a month and have a letter of recomendation from your church…

2 – If the child you are enrolling has siblings already attending the school..

3 – If either parent is a teacher at the school..

4 – If either parent attended the school…

And the rest of us burn in hell fucking sinners can fuck off cos they dont want us in their school..

JMM fills out the application and sends it off…with a note attached. He says..

We will pay ALL fees up front in a lump sum…and that we dont attend church, but we are Evangelists..

Yes..you did read that right.

I am, apparently, a fucking Evangelist.

Just what the hell is one of those anyway? Cos I have all kinds of theatrical church stuff going through my head.

I told JMM that was a bad move, cos if we get to the interview stage I ‘m not going to have anything constructive to say….and even though he considers himself a church boy, I distinctly remember him mentioning before Bubs was born that ‘JUDAS’ was a “nice” name…


He told me to in case of questioning, ” Just sit there with your mouth shut, like a good church girl should”.

Now, if the stupid govenment built enough schools to service the familys that live around here, we wouldn’t be having this fucking problem in the first place.


~ by shelly1971 on September 12, 2009.


  1. evangelists are christians who go around preaching at everyone they meet hoping to convert them or who do missionary work and are usually assocated with a church of some description. That or you wrote one of the new testament gospels. Take your pic – will you be Mark, Matthew, John or Luke?

  2. Fuck that Montessori shit ,what a bunch of wankers

  3. Ooooh, you KNOW what those good little church girls get up to, don’t you?

    Dirty bastard.

    Good luck. I think…

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