Hey you!! Moron in the right hand lane. Moron in the right hand lane that  should be used for  OVERTAKING ….why are you driving in the right hand lane?.

Why are you in the FAST  lane. Why are you in the FAST  lane doing 60 in an 80 zone???

Do you realise who is stuck behind you?

Do you have any idea how fucking crazy the chick driving the car behind you is???

If you knew the EXTREME roadrage this woman suffers from YOU would get the hell out of her way.

Into the left lane where knobs like yourself belong.


Anyway…Once I put a spell on someone.

I did. It was very naughty of me…but I was tr’e desperate.

I own a copy of “The Element Encyclopedia Of 5000 Spells”. Its a very interesting read. I like it. I am not,by the way,a “witch”…although some[JMM] may disagree.

You should not muck around with stuff you dont really know much about.[this would describe me]

I once worked with a ” white witch” though. We were very good friends.

Anyway, the second time JMM left me [ yes the tosser did it twice] I was absolutely, totally ,rocked to the core devastated.

So I did what any  crazy desperate woman would do and I grabbed my spell book.

And I put a wee spell on him. Nothing manevolent.

Just a small binding spell….and  I’m sure to this day it worked.

Two weeks after doing said spell I hear  from JMM and he tells me he cant live without me and would we move to Melbourne to be with him,and he sold his car to finance the move and everything.

Believe me, him and his buddys LOVE their cars. Him selling his car would have been like donating an organ.  🙂

Anyway..I have always thought I had done too  good of a job.

After 7 years together he still cant walk past me without touching me.

If I’m in the bathroom a little to long, he has to come see if I’m ok.

He used to ring me every day from work. Till I asked him to please stop. I am not a phone talker. I dont enjoy it. Some times he would ring and be yakyak yaking away and then he’d say,’ well I’m just around the corner,see you in a sec”.

And I would be like W.T.F.?  cos really what is the point of that?

I know I’m very very lucky to be loved so much. I do know and appreciate that.   🙂 

It’s me. I’m not a touchy feely person.

The other week I told JMM that I had put a binding spell on him all those years ago.

So he tells me he shall put one on me…which I find ridiculous on account of him not even believing in stuff like that…but I’m a little nervous cos I sure as hell dont want any spells on ME!!

He grabs the spell book and I say to him…”that book is totally useless..I wouldn’t even bother with it if I were you.

And he says..”oh? come?”

And I say…” Nearly every spell in there calls for Dragons Blood…do you know how hard it is to get Dragons Blood these days?” *snigger*

And he says…”OH …yeah”…Poor guy. I truly do love him.  🙂


~ by shelly1971 on March 28, 2009.


  1. ZOMG ! JMM loves you the way the beloved loves ME ! can you imagine the way in which they love EACHOTHER ? i don’t even want to imagine the freaky shit that was required for THAT particular spell.

    I Agree that they LOVE their cars. the beloved stops just short of kissing his goodnight. and that’s only because i’d rip his fucking lips clear off his face. The red girl is being sold.. but not to finance his undying love for me. to pay off another effing credit card. Fear not, she’ll live about 10 minutes away with uncle matty. LOL

  2. doing a fair bit of smiting thees these days Shell!

  3. You played with spells? OH MY GOD!!!

  4. I hear the word ‘smite’ and have visions of god sitting at his computer watching some dude walking under a piano with his finger hovering over the ‘smite’ button where the ‘enter’ key should be lol

  5. just please dont come liberate us!

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