HOLY SHIT! I’ve found the Secret Society of Morons!

And they reside behind the deli counter at Coles!..Oh yerrr.

Today I think I was served by Grand Master Moron himself,cos only the boss man of morons could be so totally fucking stupid.

So I’m at the deli counter and I ask Grand Master Moron for 500 grams of seafood extender [add sliced celery and thousand island dressing…delish]

So he gets his litte baggy and his gloves on and he’s putting the fake crab meat into the bag and he’s scraping the container till its empty and he puts the bag on the scales and he looks at me and says…

“Thats 300 grams…is that ok?’

And my fucking pupils dialate and I’m clenching my jaw and I can feel my nails digging into the palms of my hands and I start visualising me grabbing him by the hair and raming his pimply pubescent face into the glass counter cos WHAT THE FUCK do I stutter? did I not ask for 500 grams of fucking fake crab meat?…

But no…I am a pussy  nice person so I say to Grand Master Moron

‘Do you have the bags of extender?,I’ll have one of those”

He says ” Yes but they’re frozen:..

And I say ‘Thats ok..can they be cut in half easily?”

And all of a sudden this woman pops her head up from nowhere and starts ranting and raving..”Oh nooo you dont cut it!..you eat it like this!..If you cut it you’ll ruin it!’…and she’s staring at me and holding in front of her a..

PRAWN….yes a fucking prawn..What the fuck? I dont give a flying fuck about your prawns lady!..

And I just stare at her.

And then I stare at Grand Master Moron.

And then I stare back at her..

And I think I had pure evil radiating from my eyes cos they both turned white and Grand Master Moron all but threw the bag of frozen fake crab at me.

Why..oh why..universe could I not get my lousy 500 grams of fake crab in the first place?….is it because you hate me universe? ….

Or is it because your so chock full of fucktards that you’ve just given up?

So people…the next time your out and about, doing your thing…look out for  The Secret Society of Morons.

They have branches EVERYWHERE…

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~ by shelly1971 on March 11, 2009.

9 Responses to “HOLY SHIT! I’ve found the Secret Society of Morons!”

  1. They also have branches at Woolies, Telstra, the local council and my hubby’s work!

  2. Lol, I will have to add my work to that group too…

  3. You’ve inspired me again, woman. People are going to think we’re an item. *kiss*

  4. You should shop at my Coles. The seafood extender is always full. Seems no-one buys it here. Or maybe it’s so popular the tray is always being freshly filled……

  5. Safeway today. I want shaved HOT salami. Nope, can’t have it as they need to get rid of some other stuff that’s a) fouland b) not actually hot and is going to sit there until it’s past it or someone buys it.

    At least the chick that was serving me wasn’t from Planet Moron. But we both knew where her boss was from!

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