Hello Internetz

Well, after reading other peoples blogs for a few months I thought I’d give it a crack. Now all I have to do is think of stuff to write about cos I’m [ reallyboringandlazydontdoshit] a stay at home mum and dont do much besides look after my 3 year old Fruitloop, Stonerboy teen and my worser half ,who shall be known as JMM cos they’re his initials and I’ve been creative enough with the other names.

I guess I’ll start with my birthday,which was yesterday. A year older…Fucking WOOT WOOT for me. Gimme cake..and botox.

My mother came to see me [cosIdidn’thidefastenough] cos she’s so great and all.

I’ve been in pain for months [ tell ya about it some other time] and even though she knows this and my vacuum is waiting to be used,Fruitloop is running around like a fruitloop and there’s dishes in the sink,does she offer help? Nooo.

She throws some PJs at me[ my pressie I wasn’t nekkid] and watches me hobble around all teary eyed and shit, while I make her a cuppa.

Later, as she’s getting into her car to leave, she says…Your 38 now arent you[ shes laughing to herself]..

Yes I am I say..and why are you laughing?

Cos your nearly 40! she says and drives off. Well fuckyou very much you[ shedevilselfishcow] glorious mum of mine. Cant wait for your next cheerful visit.

 Forget the cake and botox. I’ll make sure I’m on Vodka and Codeine.

Later on that afternoon there’s a knock at the door. As I am[to lazydontgiveafuckwhosthere] to sore to get up I call JMM to answer and upon opening my eyes see two cops standing before me!

Oh fucking happy happy joy joy Stonerboy’s given me a birthday pressie to!! Seems him and his stoner mate were pulled over in stonermates car and were busted for being in possession of POTT.

 So why..Mr police officer have you hand delivered me this Juvinille/pot smoking  bit of paper…but not my juvinille/pot smoking stoner son? Eh? Now I’m not knocking cops,cos..

1…they have to deal with dickheads all day for not enough money..

2..cos my neighbough is a cop, and after being invited to a few BBQs we have come to know that they are[crazymofolovetogettheirdrinkon] great people.

 But Officer dude,you should have bought stonerboy home. So anyway I say what the hell am I gonna do with this kid and robocops like..go look at this website it’s really informative and even tells em how to use drugs safely and  you should consider yourself lucky that he’s stonerboy and not ice or smack boy and I’m like…

 O.M.G.W.T.F , I think I’ll just beat him with that big stick again, and robocop looks at me weird…and what the hell is going on hey?

 Since when did a parent become lucky if all your kid does is smoke pott… And the worst of it is he’s probably right.

I shall leave you with this…from my Fruitloop.

So I’m drying Fruitloop after his bath and he brings his hand out from between his butt cheeks and sniffs it and I say are you playing with your butt again? dont do that and he says..

 Ohhh…but kids ALWAYS do that and what’s that over there is it BOOBIES?..

.W.T.F!!! I dont know where this kid gets this crap from but he seriously. cracks.my.shit.up……………

Phobia of the week is CYPRIDOPHOBIA –fear of venereal disease. …  Peace and love.


~ by shelly1971 on February 21, 2009.

7 Responses to “Hello Internetz”

  1. hey shell, welcome to blogging ! i find it’s theraputic to get my thoughts out of my head and keeps me from going all jackie chan on my family.

  2. Well, aren’t mothers just a whole mess of fucking fun? Nice start on blogging, by the way. Looking good.

  3. Kind of loving this blog already…

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