DOG SHIT SINKS.
I have a small fish pond in my backyard.
It’s nothing special. It doesn’t have cute plants growing in it. Doesn’t even have a filter to keep it all clean.
I have eight, seven, six Shubunkins that live in it.
I like them very much. I’m quite attached to them really.
I feed them bloodworms.
I picked Shubunkins cos the gay guy in the pet shop told me they are “tough as old boots”.
He was absoulutely right. In two and a half years I have only lost two fish.
Not bad going really.
They have survived copius amounts of garden mulch invading their home..[ thanks to bubs]
They have survived the dog using their pond as a wading pool..[ this is before she turned into a horse]
They have survived a half a litre of motor oil tipped into the water..[ again thanks to bubs].
I killed one of them.
Squashed him while I was scooping the dirty water out, ready for a refill. Poor thing. I felt some kind of strange twinge inside of me, looking at his wee dead body…I think it could have been an emotion. Nup. It’s gone.
Usually I clean the pond once a fortnight. As I said, its not filtered so it gets pretty dirty if its left…and I dont want the little suckers to run out of oxygen.
I have been neglectful in my pond duties lately.
This is because it has rained here for near on 18 days straight and I dont do rainy outdoor shit.
I had noticed at a fleeting glance now and then that the water was turning to something resembling that green slime shit you buy for your kids to play with.
This was bizzaro cos it hadn’t been that long since its last clean and all the rain should have kept it a little clean as well.
Bubs and I were outside today catching slater bugs for him to torture when I noticed GASP a dead fishy floating.
Well fuck me now I had to clean the pond.
So I’m scooping the rank water out, careful careful not to squash any more of them than is necessary, and I’m thinking to myself..
‘Fuck me what the hell is in here cos this shit is funky“…and then I find the reason.
An enormous, partly decomposed, Golden Retriever sized dog shit.
After a little bit of..” If you tell Mummy the truth you wont get throttled” Bubs finally owns up to getting a shovel, scooping up the shit and chucking it in the pond.
And it killed only one fish!
See!. Tough as old boots!
Now I’m off to the shops to get two more Shubunkins to kill nurture…and a baked potato with mild chillie beans,spinach, sour cream, cheese and bacon.
Everyone else is having fish.